Analysis:
One fine day in 1976, everyone in France was laughing their ass off, and for good reason - "Zoot Allures" is similar to "zut alors" - "zut alors" is French for, approximately, "damn it!" or "oh shit!" - expressions that fit this album not only for its incredibly strong studio performances, but also for the live "twins" Black Napkins and the title track, and for its raunchy subject matter, something Uncle Frank was always the king of. The first track is a stand-out not only as a musical piece, but because it is short - something rare for Frank outside of his many rock operas - and because it is heavy on vocals, something rarely seen in a Frank Zappa track. Even more so, the song features raw power and speed. "Gas Station" tells about how your so-called "education" won't really get you anywhere - you'll end up living a dead-end life anyway. After the surging, guitar-driven song comes the fan favorite instrumental "Black Napkins" which, as Frank tells us on "Frank Zappa Plays the Music of Frank Zappa," concerns the musing that "a complete woman must also have an asshole" - hm, sounds like a comedy routine! Anyhow, this is followed by the also slow "The Torture Never Stops" - banned from radio stations because of the sexually-driven screams of several women dispersed throughout this monstrous song. It's pretty good here, but far better live (cf. "Zappa in New York"). The next track is the slow (starting to see a pattern here?) yet pounding "Ms. Pinky," which shows Frank describing a certain sex toy - one he actually found, as the continuity track "Lonely Person Devices" from "You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore, Volume VI" tells us.
Next up is the opening track on Side 2 "Find Her Finer," a droning yet humorous song which suggests that you shouldn't reveal to a girl just how smart you are until you have sex with her, which, perhaps, suggests that most men and most women think with their sexual apparatus. This is what we get for being part of the animal kingdom. Following this is the raging instrumental "Friendly Little Finger" - not as much of a fan favorite, but still a classic. Immediately afterwards, we get the hilarious "Wonderful Wino" - not to be confused with the similarly-titled comedy routine by George Carlin, "Wonderful Wino" is a powerful rocker that sounds almost like it could be Frank playing Black Sabbath's "Sweet Leaf" - it talks about, of course, a wino in the summer of 1969 - he bought some wine, drank it under the table, and proclaimed, "Watch me now, I'm gonna eat the label!" The song predates the album by about five years, maybe more. "Zoot Allures," the other fan favorite and other live track (the other being "Black Napkins") on the album, a similarly slow instrumental track, heavy on guitar. This version used to include "Ship Ahoy" (supposedly) on the previously-intended-but-never-released "Night of the Iron Sausage" album, but no longer does. However, live, it usually included "Ship Ahoy." Last in line is "Disco Boy," another comedy-rock song opening with the familiar riff from "Dancin' Fool" on the Sheik Yerbouti album. Here, however, Frank doesn't copy disco to mock it. Here, he talks about a vain boy ("Leave his hair alone, but you can kiss his comb") who goes down to the disco to get some action, but doesn't get any.
As great as this album is, the CD's sound quality is absolute shit. Buy the LP or a tape and copy the LP to a CD. If you're rich enough to have a laser turntable, more power to you, because this album kicks ass and needs to be heard in the best possible quality. Also, if you're rich enough to have a laser turntable, lend it to me. Thanks.
The verdict: LP score: 10/10 - CD score: 6.5/10 - The album is almost perfect, but the CD has absolute shit sound quality.